


The (Not So) Easy Math

by YourGirlThursday



Category: 12 Monkeys (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 14:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3491021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourGirlThursday/pseuds/YourGirlThursday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Being demoted to lookout was awful. Cole had never been entirely comfortable with Cassie jumping right into the fray. Sure, he let her come with him, but it was with the expectation that she immediately run if danger presented itself. On their last mission Cassie hadn't stuck to that narrative. She had followed after one of the bad guys with her shiny, new pistol. </p><p>It had not ended well."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The (Not So) Easy Math

**Author's Note:**

> This is set sometime after the events of 1x07 The Keys. 
> 
> The italics are a flashback which runs from "it had not ended well" to "things were not going well."

Cassie stared at the warehouse, willing Cole to hurry his ass up. She sat there on the cold, damp ground near the car. It was great cover in case someone ran out of the warehouse waving an AK-47. It was lousy at keeping her from the frigid wind that was currently slicing through her parka. She was five minutes from taking her chances with the idiots with guns.

Being demoted to lookout was awful. Cole had never been entirely comfortable with Cassie jumping right into the fray. Sure, he let her come with him, but it was with the expectation that she immediately run if danger presented itself. On their last mission Cassie hadn't stuck to that narrative. She had followed after one of the bad guys with her shiny, new pistol.

It had not ended well.

 

_Practicing with a gun on a tree was one thing. It was entirely another to be forced to use it. Cassie lined up her shot from her hiding place under a desk. The man with the briefcase needed to be stopped before he left the building. Cole was fighting off other bad guys. Cassie’s body flooded with adrenaline. Even if she aimed for his leg, the bullet could do some real damage._

_And if she missed he could turn around do some damage to her._

_Cassie had frozen. She couldn't stop shaking. Her thumb wouldn't even work well enough to flip the safety. She tried to think about the seven billion people counting on her. It wasn't enough. Cassie's opponent took advantage of her nerves, the fact that she had given her hiding place away. The man with the briefcase would've shot her straight through the heart if Cole hadn't pulled his trigger first._

_As she climbed out from under the desk, Cassie felt her body tingle. She looked around for Cole, expecting him to be nearby. He wouldn’t look at her. His lips were pressed together tightly. It took Cassie no time to figure out why: Cole was angry with her._

_When they got to the car, he slammed his car door shut so hard that Cassie was surprised the window didn't shatter. Cole was shaking hard, unable to sit still. Cassie had never seen him this worked up before._

_"Cole, talk to me," Cassie whispered softly. She laid her hand on his arm, which he quickly shrugged off._

_"If I talk right now, I'm going to yell at you and be a total dick so I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut," he told her._

_Cassie sighed then started the car. She held herself together the whole drive home. It was hard to suppress the memory of the man with the gun. She had been seconds from a potentially fatal gunshot wound. Now Cole wouldn't even look at her. She knew he had a guilt complex the size of Texas, but she was the one who almost died._

_When Cassie pulled into her parking spot, Cole barely reacted. Cassie was out of the car practically before she took the keys out of the ignition. She didn't wait for Cole to follow her. He would in his own time._

_Cassie needed something to take the edge off. She figured a near-death experience warranted a little alcohol. The only problem would be finding some. She hadn't exactly moved her liquor stash with her. Wine was more her thing. She wanted something potent and bracing that moment though._

_A quick search of the pantry and cabinets unearthed a dusty bottle of peppermint schnapps, a fifth of whiskey, and a lowball glass. Cassie chose the whiskey because it had the worse burn. She uncapped it slowly, pondering how much to pour. She decided on half a shot's worth. Sipping was not going to cut it, but she wasn't entirely comfortable shooting large amounts of whiskey at one time either._

_Cassie lifted the glass to her lips. Before she could drink the liquor, she heard a noise behind her. Cole had come in from the car finally._

_"Can you give me a few minutes before you yell at me? It's been a really shitty day." Cassie told him tartly._

_She looked over her shoulder expecting to see the livid Cole from the car. He couldn't have looked more different now. All traces of anger were gone from his face. It was as if someone had poke him with a needle, and let his rage leak out. The furrow of his brows, the purse of his lips, conveyed only sadness._

_"You almost died," he whispered, barely able to get the words out. The absolute anguish in his voice broke Cassie's heart. He sounded so lost._

_She set down her glass and moved toward Cole. He met her halfway, crushing her to his chest. All of the tears she had been holding back came pouring forth. They collected in Cole's shirt along his collarbone. It soon became hard for Cassie to breathe. Sobs wracked her body. Her arms wound under Cole's allowing her hands to dig into his shoulder blades. One of his hands splayed itself along Cassie's back. The other tangled itself in her hair, brushing the skin of her neck with his thumb._

_They stood there clutching each other for several minutes. Every tick of the kitchen clock was a reminder of how their time together was counting down. Once Cassie's breathing evened out, she relaxed further into Cole's arms. He pulled her in tighter. Cassie realized in that moment that maybe she was holding him together just as much as he was holding her up._

_"Please don't do that again," Cole pleaded softly against the top of her head._

_Cassie felt the tears well up again. "I told you you need a new partner. I don't think I'll ever be okay with shooting someone."_

_Cole gently lifted Cassie's head so she was looking at him. His hands cupped the sides of her face. "I can't do this with anyone but you, Cassie."_

_The sincerity in Cole's voice made Cassie's knees go a little weak. He kissed her forehead lightly before wandering over to the counter. He examined the bottle while Cassie found a napkin to wipe away her tears with._

_"This is a lot of whiskey, Dr. Railly. You trying to get me drunk?" Cole teased._

_Cassie shook her head. "No. Honestly, right now I'd rather get you naked."_

_Cole laughed to himself. He pulled his shirt over his head slowly then walked over to hand it to Cassie. "I am more than happy to do that, Cass, if you get naked too."_

_Cassie slid her tank top up and dropped it to the floor. The fabric hadn't hit the ground before Cole shot forward. When his mouth touched hers, Cassie felt all the stress of the day melt away. She had chosen correctly. Alcohol would've just dulled everything for a little while. Sex with Cole was reinforcement that she was indeed alive. Her ability to participate in one of her favorite activities was a celebration of that fact._

_Without breaking contact Cassie walked Cole toward the cabinets. When Cole made contact with the drawer pull he groaned. "Cass, you know we're too short for the counters."_

_Cassie snickered and reversed their positions so she could look through the drawer. "Hold on a second."_

_She dug through the silverware drawer though it was hard to concentrate with Cole placing small kisses on the back of her neck. Eventually she found the strip of condoms she had hidden there. Cassie pulled them out triumphantly to show Cole._

_"Is that a weird place to keep condoms? It seems like it should be," Cole told her._

_Cassie shrugged. "We've been getting adventurous lately. I have some hidden in every room. Although maybe in here wasn't the best idea. I’m not braving that table again.”_

_Cole laughed. "In my defense, it looked stronger than it was. You thought it would hold both of us too."_

_"So bedroom? I've got rug burn from the living room this morning." Cassie swept her hair aside and gingerly touched the red area on her shoulder._

_Cole dropped a quick kiss to her forehead. "Fine by me. I'm good with anywhere that's not the stairs. My back is still messed up from last time."_

_Cassie frowned and moved so she could examine him. “Why didn’t you tell me? Let me take a look.”_

_She ran her thumbs along his back, letting them press into each knot. Her fingers found two particularly large ones at the base of Cole's shoulder blades. He moaned loudly as she worked them out._

_"God I love you," Cole groaned._

_Cassie's hand stilled. Each beat of her pulse thrummed in her ears. She hadn't realized Cole was as invested as she was. Obviously, she had hoped he felt the same way she did, but she didn’t dare say it first. Cassie spun to stand in front of Cole so she could look him in the eye. He wasn't cooperating though. His gaze was firmly planted on the floor and his shoulders folded into his body.  
_

_"Let's pretend I didn't say that," Cole said. He tried to duck around Cassie. She kept him from leaving by blocking his exit._

_“Hey.” Cassie gently nudged Cole's chin up with her fingers. “I love you too."_

_Cole stared at Cassie for a moment. His eyes searched hers for any trace of insincerity. He let out a shaky breath then covered Cassie's mouth with his. There was a great amount of joy in the kiss. Cassie could feel the curve of Cole's smile along hers.  
_

_Cassie surrendered herself to the giddiness that welled up in her like bubbles in champagne. Cole loved her, and it felt really good. For once she couldn’t hear that little voice in the back of her head that hissed about star-crossed lovers and counting down clocks._

 

Things were not going well.

As time went on it was worry, not the cold, which made Cassie impatient. Cole had been in the warehouse for thirty minutes already. Him taking this long usually meant that he had been kidnapped again. Or shot.

Or both.

It was looking more and more like Cassie needed to go bail him out. They had discussed the fact that she should stay outside. Cassie had been resistant at first. She felt like Cole was being overprotective. He had used several points to convince her. He reminded her that Aaron had been sidelined for a while because he kept getting into trouble. The trip was supposed to be a quick one. Having Cassie by the car meant they could leave immediately. Cole was lucky that there were also logical reasons for her to stay behind. If not Cassie would've snuck in the warehouse seconds after Cole had.

Cassie finally decided that she was going in. She would rather deal with an angry Cole than have to mourn a dead one. She entered the building quietly. Voices echoed down the hallway. Cassie followed them, gingerly stepping over the body of a fallen guard. She entered the main room of the warehouse. It had giant rafters and rows of shelving. Cassie hid along the shelves, inching her way closer.

Cole was kneeling in front of two men. They both had guns while Cole was unarmed. His revolver lay several feet away. Cassie peered around the room to formulate a plan. She obviously couldn't shoot one of them. The best course of action would be a distraction. Cassie dug a tube of lip balm out of her pocket. She tossed it as far as she could. It clattered against some shelves about thirty feet away. One of the men went over to investigate the noise.

Cassie took aim and shot out the light bulb above Cole and the other guard. The man crouched and flung his arms out to protect his head. Cole dove for his revolver. He fired off a quick shot in the other man's chest. He moved his gun so it pointed at the other guard and pulled the trigger. Cassie heart sunk as she heard the dry click.

Cole was out of bullets.

"Cassie, run!" He shouted.

The guard raised his arm, leveling his pistol at Cole. The loud crack of a gunshot reverberated around the room followed by the thud of a body hitting the floor. It took Cassie a beat to figure out that the scream she heard was her own. She turned to her side and puked into a cardboard box near her feet. Cassie sat there willing herself not to think about the body nearby, the crimson stain blossoming on his shirt.

This mission had tested her numerous times, and she usually pulled through. This time she might not though. Cole had once told her that the math was easy. Killing one person to save seven billion was worth it though it was hard to do so. At the time she hadn't understood how he could take a life even if it was in exchange for the lives of so many others.

Now she did.

Cassie felt a numbness creep through her body. She had shot a man, probably killing him. The scary thing was that she hardly remembered doing it. Some instinct had taken over for her, aiming quickly and shooting. Initial reaction aside, she didn't feel as bad about it as she thought she should. Rationalization was funny that way.

Cassie had once given up Cole's life for the mission. It was the worst decision she had ever made. When he came back it patched up the giant hole in her heart, but hadn't fully healed it. Right then and there Cassie had promised herself she would do whatever it took to save Cole. No matter what he thought, the mission was not worth losing his life for. It was selfish of her to feel that way, but she didn't care. She would kill someone and give away pieces of her soul just to keep him safe. Cassie could live with the guilt as long as he was alive. Cole's life was worth more than anything else, and that was the easiest and most dangerous math of all.

That thought alone terrified Cassie. Someone who was in her life so temporarily shouldn't have that kind of hold over her. Someday her love for Cole would destroy her. It wouldn't be any time soon, but it would eventually come.

Cole approached and crouched down next to her. Cassie leaned into him. Cole wrapped one of his arms around her. The other gently took away the gun Cassie hadn't realized she was still holding. Looking at it in her hand made her stomach roll again, so maybe she wasn’t as remorseless as she thought. That thought weirdly made her feel a little better.

"I'm so sorry you had to do that, Cassie," Cole murmured into her hair.

Cassie stilled. She sat up so she could look into Cole's eyes. "You are never going anywhere without backup ever again."

"That sounds fair," Cole agreed.

Cassie looked down at Cole's lap. He had the computer bag that they had been trying to retrieve. Cassie had almost forgotten they were still in one of the 12 Monkeys' lairs. Someone could come back at any second.

"We should get going. There's probably a lot of stuff to look through on that thing." Cassie gestured vaguely toward the bag.

Cole kissed her on the forehead. "Whatever you want, Cass."

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be a drabble of less than 500 words, then the flashback happened. It would appear that I can't stop writing these two kissing. 
> 
> This fic was inspired mostly by Cole's easy math speech, Cassie learning how to use a gun, Cassie not wanting to hurt people in the Night Room, and the soul-crushing missile explosion.
> 
> It was a little weird trying to balance Cassie being freaked out that she shot someone and glad she saved Cole. Hopefully it worked.


End file.
